Why You’re Not “Manifesting Your Godly Man”

I recently watched a video from a sister I believe was well-intentioned. She was offering advice to single women on how to “manifest their godly man,” i.e., their future husbands. Her advice included things you could do and certain types of “energy” you can put out there to “attract” a godly man.

There’s several things wrong with her advice. For one, energy is super new age and it’s arbitrary and I think she’s definitely misusing the term by trying to fit it into a biblical context. It’s not about energy, it’s about God’s will and your obedience. Period. I’ll expound on that in a moment.

She mentioned how being the most confident woman in the room can attract your godly man, and how you want a man with “swag.” Here’s what she didn’t realize she actually did: she created a straw-man of what a godly guy is. She put all of God’s sons into a box that fit HER type and is trying to use what worked for HER in getting HER man for YOU and YOUR future man. But not every man exudes “swag” which, in my opinion, can be anything from cockiness,  to worldliness, to being fashionable, or metro-sexual.

Not every man of God has “swag” and not every woman of God likes “swag.” Some women of God like farmer-types, or biker-types, or geeky-types, which, even types shouldn’t matter as much as his godly character should.

Not every man is attracted to super confident, out there, loud or whatever she means by “the most confident woman in the room.” Some men are drawn to quiet, mysterious women. Some men are attracted to a woman who doesn’t even realize how beautiful she is. Some men like the Ruths who are sweaty and dirty, serving the Lord out on the ministry field. You don’t have to do X,Y,Z methods, or change your personality and appearance to attract a godly husband.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”-Proverbs 31:30

I have met married women who are so humble, so gentle, and certainly don’t come across as “the most confident woman in the room,” and their husbands ADORE them.

So if you are not supremely confident, or extroverted, don’t beat yourself up or think you’re doing the wrong things and that’s why no man has noticed you.

What if you haven’t received a godly husband yet because you haven’t attained “godliness with contentment?” Or haven’t been faithful with the little God has given you, so He is waiting until your faithful to give you more (a husband and a family)? Or what if God prefers you to be single?

At the end of the day, the most important thing is just being content in Christ alone–your Spiritual Husband–before receiving an earthly husband. Because if you aren’t content with Christ, what makes you think you’ll be content with an imperfect, broken son of His?

My advice: learn to be content and thankful. Don’t covet what you don’t have, but be grateful for all that you do have. Be open to God’s will and whether He wants you to be married or not, always remember:

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”-Romans 12:2

Brother Solomon: Men, PURSUE HER!

I LOVE this man. No, I don’t know him personally, but ladiessssss, he just killed this point (in a good way): “We keep telling the Christian women to wait and not telling the Christian men to pursue! If you plan to lead in marriage, lead in the pursuit!”

Trust me sisters, this is a worthy watch! He has some GREAT advice! Hopefully, the men watch this, too.

Did you watch it? Tell me what you thought of his advice in a comment. 

Single sisters: You don’t NEED a man

Single sisters:
What if Jesus spoke to you and said, “Daughter, you are free to marry a son of mine, but My plan for you is to be single so you can serve Me without distraction, and if you take up this cross, I will be able to use you more in bringing many to Myself.” What would you choose?

Sometimes, we believe the lie that we NEED a husband. As daughters of God, we don’t NEED anyone, but Him.

The woman caught in adultery and the woman at the well thought they needed validation and affection from a man, but after their encounter with the Perfect God-Man, Jesus, they focused on following Him. Many of the women who followed Jesus appeared to be single, including Mary Magdalene. Did she marry after His death? I don’t know. But given the testimony about her, and her witness in Scripture, I won’t be surprised if she never did marry. Yet, she is forever recorded in history as a faithful follower of Jesus who loved Him and was worthy to be remembered throughout all of the ages.

 

Now some may be thinking, “Easy for you to say, you’re happily married!” But I know it’s possible, because I know a modern-day Mary, my sister, Natalia. She has been divorced for almost seven years, and has been single and celibate for five years. I mean, she has not dated ANYONE in five years. And so you know, the picture of the woman for this blog post is her. She is beautiful, inside and out, and would be an incredible wife to any godly man, but she is content. She has moments of desiring a husband, but they’re just moments. It isn’t something she thinks about or prays about all the time. And did I mention she’s thirty-two?

What is my sister’s greatest desire? To serve God. She wants to use her gifts for Him, for her Heavenly Husband. And she is content with that because she has experienced Him as intimately as I experience and know my own husband. Jesus’ perfect love has touched and transformed her and continues to. She is content with Him because she knows He is enough. How about you?

You can be an Esther, but can you also be content with being a Mary Magdalene?

 

“Jesus loves me so don’t judge me.”

“I have stretched out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, Who walk in a way that is not good, According to their own thoughts; A people who provoke Me to anger continually to My face…”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭65:2-3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

The bible says God doesn’t change; He is steadfast, eternally the same. His character has always hated evil and loved good, and it always will. There are things we do that provoke Him to anger continually. Indeed, God loves us, but hates the sin we commit. To use, “He loves me,” as a defense or justification for not repenting of what He calls sin and what He hates, is to trample underfoot His sacrifice on the cross for your sins.

“For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The LORD will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:26-31‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I know way too many Millennial Christians who use the, “Jesus loves me,” tactic to fool themselves and feel okay about engaging in sin. They don’t want to humble themselves and repent: they want heaven, God’s acceptance, and their sin. But Christ is a sword-bearer who demands a sharp divide and says those who love the world make themselves His enemy. For us to think this holy God who hated sin so much He sent His Son to be brutally punished for it and die in order to cleanse those who would later choose to trust in Jesus and repent, is to create your own false version of God; a god of your own understanding that is cool with whatever you do and accepts you anyway; an unholy god, opposite to the one in the bible. If your god doesn’t care if you sin, then don’t call him Jesus. Don’t blaspheme and lie about the holy character of God and deceive others into following your false version because you’ll just be heaping up even more judgement for yourself in the end.

My prayer is that some, even just one person reading this will admit to themselves and God that they’ve been making excuses for their sin and creating their own god that makes them comfortable and not accountable to change. That you would realize that your god is fake and powerless and that you clinging to this false idol of Jesus will only harm you and others. Christ offers so many glorious things in exchange for our repentance: forgiveness, fellowship with Him, power to transform and help others change. He gives us power over demons, power over satan. But you give all that up when you choose to deny holiness and cling to your sins.

There is nothing more delightful than experiencing Jesus FOR REAL. Because getting emotional when you sing at church doesn’t mean you’ve experienced Him, and experiencing Him goes way beyond that and overflows into every area of your life. It is not mere feelings and emotional highs, it is undeniable evidence of Him transforming you, leading you, speaking to you, teaching you, answering you, helping you.

If you’re not experiencing increasing holiness and power over the sins in your life, if you’re not experiencing a greater desire for Jesus and His truth and a lesser and lesser desire and eventual hatred of sin, then you don’t have a real, surrendered, right relationship with Him. You are not His follower, you’re just His fan who visits Him at church, but doesn’t seek to obey Him. You’re not a child of God, you’re sorta religious. And what a tragedy, when Christ calls us to such a more meaningful and incredible life; to true life. You have no idea what you’re missing out on and that is why you’re holding onto the sins in your life rather than forsaking them and knowing following Jesus is SO much worthier and better for you and others.

It angers God and breaks His heart, and as someone who loves God and people, I’m telling you truthfully, He does not accept you if you continue to love sin. He just does not. This is not Natasha’s teaching, it’s the bible’s. And if you’re a professing Christian, you’re supposed to believe and seek to obey that book; not just listen to the parts that are nice and easy to accept; you don’t just accept as much of Jesus as you’re comfortable with, you let go and surrender all to Him and embrace everything He desires for you. And then your life will really begin.

Some Wives Need To Stop Pursuing Their Calling

I’ve been there as a wife, for the first year-and-a-half or so of my marriage, pursuing my own endeavors, my God-given dreams. Now, certainly, God had called me to be a writer, but I took that calling and exalted it above my marriage. 
Sometimes, we wives do that: God has a calling on our lives, has gifted us, but in our zeal and lack of wisdom, we dash to make that calling a reality, rather than patiently wait for Him to make it a reality. 

Those early endeavors of mine were hardly fruitful. I look at women who are twice my age or so, usually with kids out of the house already, and God is using their gifts in mighty ways. They typically have their own ministry and its bearing wonderful fruit for God’s kingdom, but again, they’re twice my age without little kids to care for. These women were likely faithful in what God gave them; their duties as a wife and mother, and put their ministry dreams on hold. I bet most, if not all of them didn’t even realize God was using their family to train and prepare them for their future ministries. 

I came to a place where I said yes, I have these cool dreams I’d like to someday walk in for the Lord, like have my own Christian acting school, but I sure ain’t pursuing that now! I’m a wife and mommy first, and I know God wants me to be faithful in these ministries first and devote myself to them because these ministries are far more important than I can probably even fathom. As the bible says:

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”-Proverbs‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Supporting my husband and working alongside him has borne delightful fruit and I actually enjoy it more than pursuing or doing my own thing, and I pray for as long as we both are alive, we are one team for Jesus, co-laboring for the gospel.
Lord, please help me to remember and grow in my understanding of how crucial my current roles are. Guard me from trying to speed up Your calling on my life, and help me to be faithful with what You’ve given me. Give me patience, and let me not forsake abiding in Your presence, for ultimately, with You there is fullness of joy. In Jesus’ name, amen. 

2 Places to Look to Find Love

Ladies, it’s about time you stop looking for love in all the wrong places, and begin looking in the RIGHT places!
 
1.) Jesus
2.) Church
 
Roman 8:32-39 says:
“What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[p] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
 
REAL, BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL, PERFECT LOVE is REVEALED *IN* CHRIST JESUS! It isn’t revealed in that significant other who makes you feel special because he or she says all the right things and gives you the tingles with his or her affection. In fact, the very reason you’re still seeking love in another human being is because you have yet to discover it in its purest, richest form in Christ!
 
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: my husband is great, but he doesn’t hold a candle to my perfect Jesus. Over seven years and Jesus Christ has NEVER failed me or abandoned me, or belittled me, or brought me down. Indeed, NO ONE can hold a candle to Jesus. Once you’ve come to seek love in the best place it can be found (in Him), you’ll also know this to be true.
 
I say the second-best place to find love is in the Church because other, true Jesus-followers have Him living inside, and they can thus love you much better than anyone else can who does NOT have Him living on the inside. When a person loves Jesus, it is guaranteed they will love you better than someone who does not love Him. Jesus Himself said:
“Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”-John 13:35
 
So if you’re wondering if there’s a better love to be found out there, look no more. He’s right there waiting for you.

Ruling Over Your Husband

  

In Genesis 3, Eve overstepped her role and took on her husband’s hat—the hat of leader—answering the serpent first, then deciding without seeking her husband’s opinion, to grab and eat the forbidden fruit, and then she provided that which was forbidden to him. She took on the role of protector and provider and this brought not only herself down, but her husband as well, for later on, he felt shameful, and God cursed them both. Eve’s decision also helped bring a wedge between her husband and his relationship with God. 
We women have to remember that we were taken from man. And that very well may be the reason we sometimes—or often times—try to take the lead in our family, and step in front of and speak up before our husband does. We also want to protect and provide, but we must learn how to tame that desire, and make it secondary to our husband’s roles of protecting and providing. We provide the protection our husband has set; enforcing his spiritual and moral rules and seeking him to defend against spiritual attacks. I do believe in having your own prayer life of course, and covering your husband and family in prayer, but when we don’t include our Christian husband whenever we are attacked by Satan, we are doing our husband and ourselves a disservice, and likely even unintentionally belittling our men. We think we got this; we don’t need their spiritual support; we can fight the devil ourselves and stand firm on our own. We may not verbalize this, but our actions prove it to be so. 

This desire to rule over ourselves and our husband is a curse that brings ruin to our marriage if not brought into submission to Jesus Christ. Being a strong-willed, determined woman myself, I know this kind of submission to our husband isn’t always easy, but may we rely evermore on the strength of the Lord within us to accomplish this feat, that our marriages and households may thrive and be blessed.

Much love, ladies.

 

Are You Really In Love?

“Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not envy,
is not boastful, is not conceited,
does not act improperly,
is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love finds no joy in unrighteousness
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.”-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Before you like this post, really let these words sink in. Allow them to act as a mirror to reflect this truth about what Love is into your mind and heart. How many of us hold these standards as love, or even think about these things when we’re saying, “I love you,” or even hold to these things with the ones we claim to love? Are you patient with your beloved? Are you kind to your beloved? Are you envious of your beloved? Are you boastful about yourself and your accomplishments? Are you conceited? Are you acting improperly toward your beloved (which in this case, would be in a romantic relationship among an unmarried man and woman), are you selfish–your way or you get angry? Are you provoked, do you get easily angered by your beloved? Do you keep a record of wrongs, remembering and holding onto things your beloved has done to you? Do you bring up those things? Do you think about those things? Do you tell others about those things? Are you taking joy in unrighteousness; are you enjoying sin with your beloved? Are you rejoicing in the truth together, the truth about who Jesus Christ is, and what He has done and spoken? Are you holding fast during hardship, or throwing in the towel? Are you hoping the best, or thinking the worst? Are you “falling out of love?” because real love never ends. This is the litmus test for if you are truly loving another person AND if he or she is truly loving you!

This I KNOW from not just experience, because I HAVE gone through this, BUT because by His amazing goodness, kindness, and mercy, Jesus has shown me what REAL LOVE is, love is NOT intense, pleasurable feelings, and happiness. It is not enjoying one another’s company and affection. Outside of marriage, that is NOT love, it is lust and infatuation. It is tainted and selfish, because the motivation for continuing with this person is because how he or she makes YOU feel. Take away the affection and enjoyment of their company and so goes away your “love.”

So, are you really walking in love with another person? And how can you really know? God alone holds the answers and thank goodness He shares them with us very clearly and plainly in His Word, the bible. If you refrain from reading it and studying it, you can easily be deceived by emotions and the support and encouragement of others who also don’t know what true love is. And this is not only tragic, but can be extremely dangerous to your soul and your relationship and standing with God. Yes, God wants you to be happy, but not at the expense of being holy, of being like Him, of following Him, of being an obedient son or daughter. Happiness without holiness is temporal, fleeting, and will not bring God’s blessing, but His wrath. Indeed, He disciplines those He loves, He does not bless sin, He blesses righteousness. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but if you cling to Him and get to know His love, it becomes much easier, and only more easy as you grow more in love with Him.

“Jesus said to the people who believed in him, ‘You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'”-John 8:31-32

Why Not To Chase A Name For Yourself

Are you hustling to make a name for yourself? If you’re putting anything above Christ—career, school, auditions, a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.—Jesus has some tough words: 

    “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”-Matthew 10:37-39 NKJV

    If you’re trying hard to make a life for yourself, accomplish what you want to accomplish, and that comes first in your life, then you’ll lose it. But if you lay down everything and say, “Jesus, whatever You will for me because You deserve all of me since you gave all of Yourself, You withheld nothing, not even your own life for me, how can I not in turn surrender my will and desires to You who have PROVEN You are worthy to follow. No human being is more worthy than You. No one else died to set me free, to forgive me when I wasn’t even seeking forgiveness, but was loving my sin. No one offers me heaven, everlasting peace, joy, and power to overcome the devil. Only You do. So I will do what You want me to because You are perfect goodness and love,”—if you have that kind of heart, Jesus promises you will find your life. 

    Many are lost because they haven’t discovered their true life and purpose is hidden in Christ and only by seeking Him can it be found.

    And many are deceived into practicing selfishness in the name of, “God wants to bless me!”

    Too many are chasing fleeting things and forgetting to chase Christ. The kingdom and glory of this world is FADING fast, but God’s kingdom is the only one that will remain. 

    What will you choose to chase?

    my flesh is acting out because my spirit is starving

    It hit me yesterday: my flesh is acting out because my spirit is starving. 
    You are what you feed…spiritually speaking.
    I’m still a pretty new mom–sixteen months in. Before Arrow was born, I would spend over an hour with God daily; worshipping Him, praying, reading the Word. But after Arrow was born, that all changed. And now that he’s a wild toddler, forget about it. I never get alone-time with God while my son is awake–and that was a problem–a huge problem.
    See, we can’t be like Jesus if we’re not spending time with Jesus. Sure, there’s so much God has changed in my life and so many things I’ve overcome and so many ways I’ve grown, but I’m not finished yet. This work of art still has much more work to be done. 

    Remember the story in the bible when Martha and her sister, Mary were hosting Jesus as their guest? Martha was, “distracted with much serving,” while Mary, “sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word.” 

    Martha was focused on getting tasks done for Jesus while Mary was focused on spending time with Him. And when Martha complained about Mary’s lack of help, Jesus said:

    “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”-‭‭Luke‬ ‭10:41-42‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

    I have been Martha for the past sixteen months: task-focused, serving my family, and hardly spending intimate time with Jesus. And my lack of intimacy with Him was oozing out of me in bad ways.

    As of last night I realized that because I’m a mom now, I must be super intentional and strategic with my me-and-Jesus-only time. I also need to be as purposeful with other ways I can get into His presence even in the midst of washing dishes and cleaning up after Arrow. 

    My son still doesn’t nap much on his own–35 minutes tops and then he wants to sleep for another two hours on me or my husband. This will end before he’s two, but for now, I have to use even this time to focus on God.

    I woke up at 5am today and spent time with Jesus. And my goodness, I feel so much more revived and Spirit-filled. My actions and attitudes are also reflecting it. For now, this is what I have to do if I want to function like the child of God I am and spend time with my Beloved. So far, so good.

    How about you? How has a different season caused your alone-time with God to change? Are you in a similar boat, and also have to make sacrifices and decisions in order to guard alone-time with Jesus? If you haven’t yet, why not? Life is too short to waste. Get back on track with God today!

    Much love, fam!