Here’s the first reason why I disagree with kissing before marriage:
“Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.” (I Timothy 5:1-2 NKJV)
Would a brother intimately kiss his sister on the mouth? I think not. It’s strange and perverse to do so. So if Paul is telling young Timothy to treat younger women as sisters, with all purity, I am sure he means it. And in his first letter to the Corinthians he writes:
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” (I Corinthians 7:1 NKJV)
The word here for touch is hapto, which literally means to fasten to, adhere to, to fasten fire to a thing, kindle, set of fire.
It’s not good for a man to fasten himself onto a woman in any way; sex, long hugs, kissing, and to do anything that will kindle fire in her aka lust. For a man or woman to do this before marriage is to walk in the flesh, to be selfish, worldly, and to act ungodly.
Does not the world teach young people to have boyfriends and girlfriends and to kiss, cuddle, date, and have sex? Are we as children of God not supposed to be holy and set apart, not conforming to the pattern of this world but renewing our minds? Why then do we imitate the way the world goes about premarital relationships?
Kissing ain’t spiritual. We are gratifying our flesh—period. We like the sensation of mouth to mouth contact, we want to feel wanted, it excites us—all fleshly desires. And kissing usually leads to more intimate interaction. If you feel nothing when you kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend, no “sparks,” then that’s weird. But most people do get a fire kindled by kissing.
So if you’re a Christian in a premarital relationship and you’re kissing, you’re feeding your flesh and there is absolutely no benefit whatsoever to that. But, there is benefits to waiting till marriage to kiss.
In the beginning of our relationship, Jonathan and I were new to christianity, weren’t really getting discipled, just trying to follow God on our own. Thus, we only knew of one kind of premarital relationship: the worldly kind. We dated, we kissed a lot, we were very affectionate, and it led to sin both inwardly and outwardly. We’d cry and repent, then fall again and wonder why we couldn’t control ourselves. The bible in its wisdom has some practical principles about lust and temptation: RUN FROM IT. We weren’t running, we were walking into dumb situations that could easily lead us to sin. It wasn’t until Jonathan gained accountability from a men’s bible study and God revealed courtship to me that we began walking in victory.
We stopped kissing (we did kiss when he proposed and maybe two other pop kisses, which still, we were immature in our faith and I do not condone it), and on our wedding day that kiss was amazing! Refraining from it for months had truly made it all the more wonderful when we were finally able to again. The benefit wasn’t just a physically satisfying one, but it really strengthened our relationship and trust of one another. I knew Jonathan loved me for me and was with me for who I was in Christ—not for how I made him feel. We practiced self-control and if we could refrain from each other in our burning youth when we were very attracted to one another, it’d be very difficult for us to cheat on each other in the future.
Most importantly, you’re honoring and pleasing God. His Scripture is clear on purity. He doesn’t want His children to even lust, let alone practice things that stir it up. So when you are obedient to His Word, you are benefiting yourself because He rewards obedience here and in heaven.
So family, please don’t kiss before marriage. Honor God with your whole body, mind and heart too. It’s not impossible. Mariah Peters and one of the brothers from For King And Country waited three years to kiss on their wedding day. In Christ, our flesh has been crucified and we walk in the newness of the Holy Spirit.