The Lie Of “Loving Someone Vs Being In Love With Him/Her”

What does pretty much every romance movie portray about love:

1.) There has to be a strong physical attraction.

2.) You won’t be able to get the person off your mind (in other words, you’ll obsess over him/her).

3.) You won’t be able to keep your hands off the person.

4.) You’ll have great premarital sex.

This is what they call, “being in love.” And O, how many times I’ve bought this lie with ex-boyfriends and exchanged the powerful four-letter word. I’m sure you have too. If you haven’t yet, praise God, you’re extremely fortunate.

Now with this whole “being in love” nonsense, there comes another lie: love leaves.

Ever hear someone say, “I love you, but I’m just not in love with you anymore.” In other words, I don’t obsess over you anymore and don’t feel all those intense lustful feelings I once did for you.

First of all, that crazy intense passionate feeling we once felt for a person was not love. This is how the Apostle Paul defined it:

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn [with passion]. (I Corinthians 7:8, 9)

Have you ever burned with lust? I have. Felt it all over my stomach and chest, it was consuming. Also felt it all over my body on my wedding night. What was I craving in that moment? To be touched.

Love isn’t unrestrained affection. That consuming fiery sensation is called lust, and of course it goes away, because when you get what you’ve desired, you’re satisfied for a while and then it gets old. Then you “fall in love” with someone else.

How about we get to what real love is?

1.) First off, it’s a choice.

Love isn’t some arbitrary mystical force that possesses you for a while and then vanishes once things get rough.

Love is God. God is love. Once we embrace Christ, who chooses us, He never leaves us or forsakes us. To say you’re in love with someone because you greatly lust after them is to call God a selfish pervert. (I’m not saying desire is wrong by the way. When in the right context, desire is beautiful and holy, i.e. when it is pure and then acted upon in marriage).

2.) Love isn’t earned, it’s given.

“Wow you’re really hot and when we hang out you make me feel super happy so I’m going to tell you I love you and seduce you so we can have sex and really show each other how much we love one another.”

Translation: “I get stuff from you that I like, and I want more of that stuff, so I’m going to suck you dry until I don’t ‘feel’ like I ‘love you’ anymore.”

Real love sounds like this:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Love suffers long. That means if that brother loves you, he keeps his pants zipped and his hands off your secret areas even if it pains him to, honoring you because he cherishes you and knows you are a daughter of God who does not yet belong to him. He does not seek his own selfish gain i.e an orgasm, but he seeks what’s best for God and you, putting his own desires at bay until the proper time: marriage.

The Bible teaches in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God. This means one must not transgress against and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you. For God has not called us to impurity but to sanctification. Therefore, the person who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who also gives you His Holy Spirit.

So while girls you know are getting used by their boyfriends and calling it love are telling you about how great their sex-life is, you can tell them what real love looks like and hopefully be able to show them when God puts you in the path of one of his godly princes, and that son of God cherishes you and respects you, showing you love by refraining from using your body and instead gets to know and protect your heart until God confirms to you both that you are to be married and on that night, he enjoys what he’s been lovingly waiting for.

Princess prayer: Heavenly Father, in the name of my King, Jesus, I ask that You help me tear down every lie about love that I have believed. I pray You enable me to keep my mind on You and wait for the man you have for me. Amen.

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